8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
