im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
