when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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