It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
