Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
