Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
