I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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