Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
