Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
