I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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