And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
