I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
