I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
