Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
