Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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