just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
