i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
