Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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