she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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