I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
