cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
