David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
