I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
