his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
