I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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