i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Two words: blizzard sex
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
