Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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