addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
