Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He felt like a one man threesome
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
