Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Randomize