if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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