I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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