I hate all girls vehemently.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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