Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
