Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
