Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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