if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
