if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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