If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
