GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
