Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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