The maid of honor just puked.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
