Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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