I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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