I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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