the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
