Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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