Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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