I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
