i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
