I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
