hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
