Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
