benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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