Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
