M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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