Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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