well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
