I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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