Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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