You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
