awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
