i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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