Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
