This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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